No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have post one night stand depression
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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