Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
