Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
