Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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