I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
