ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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