I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
