Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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