This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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