i just had sex bonerless
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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