I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
