Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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