apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
