Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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