I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
