I CAN MOONWALK!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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