Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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