help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
