Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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