at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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