Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
