There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
