im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
