what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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