PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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