I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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