At least make sure they are 18
Why
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
