Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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