Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
