yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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