yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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