sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
