i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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