from now on my penis is your penis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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