I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
