There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
