You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
