How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
