Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
