I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
