I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
