before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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