he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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