so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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