How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
