At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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