remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
