My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
