The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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