I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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