I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
