then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
