She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize