Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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