Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
