So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
