that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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