it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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