So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
