It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
