dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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