The brown eye won't let me do that either.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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