im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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