My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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