fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
