So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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