Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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