The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize