Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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