eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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