the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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