I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
50% drunk capacity currently
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize