look no pants
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
