i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
