I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
